Self Improvement...

Shyness appears to be the result of social programing according to the basic social values of society and the particular experiences a child has in the home, in school and with peers.

Shyness is an alienating force that prevents us from realizing our full potential and enjoying the company of other people.

Shyness, in a small number of cases, can be a positive trait. It is good if you think of a shy person as modest and reserved and as someone who contribute by being a good listener. Shyness can make some people more appealing. The shy person typically does not hog the spotlight and gives other people a chance. Shy people tend not to be overly aggressive. But, for the majority of all people of all ages - say shyness for them is negative. It's undesirable. They label it as a personal problem, and they report many more negative aspects of shyness than positive.

Shyness makes it difficult to meet new people, to make friends or enjoy the potential richness that other people have to share with you. Shyness prevents an individual from speaking up for his or her rights, expressing opinions and values. Shyness negatively biases the impression that you create in other people. That is, you sell yourself short. The shy person does not get to present himself or herself in the best possible light. Shyness tends to encourage self-consciousness and excessive preoccupation, with yourself at the cost of being concerned about and relating to other people. In the extreme, shyness can result in negative feelings such as depression, anxiety and loneliness which often accompany shyness.

At the core of shyness is an excessive concern for security, and unwillingness to take a risk to challenge the system. At a more fundamental level, shyness is willingness or even a preference for maintaining the status quo: going with what you know rather than chancing something novel or uncertain. Shy people lose out by not experimenting with life, by letting other people and situations control their reactions. Shy individuals are so concerned about being accepted and liked that they are willing to go along with too many things that they might not approve of at a personal level.

Obviously, you feel it is important to overcome shyness - It's extremely important both to the shy individuals and to society. If people don't relate well to others, they are big losers - in business, in love, in their everyday experiences.

There are many things that you can do as parents, teachers and employers which could reduce the incidence of shyness in others. Shy people are very concerned about being negatively evaluated. They believe that if people knew who they really were - their private selves - that these private selves would be found unacceptable.

So shy people do everything in their life as a performance - and, of course, if a performance, then something to be evaluated: If they're dancing, it's a performance. If they're making love, it's a performance. If they're sitting have coffee with somebody, its performance in the sense that the shy person imagines the other person is continually in the process of evaluating him or her.

Some people are even too shy to get professional help they might need. They are precisely the people who can't go for the appointment, who can't pick up the telephone and make a call. Some shy people have told me they were unable to even ask the salesperson for my book Shyness - a problem that prevents its own treatment.

If you feel, you are shy; you can help yourself overcome this. One of the most important things to learn is what used to be taught in finishing schools: sets of skills about how you relate to other people, how you can make other people feel at ease and how you can put yourself at ease. How you handle compliments, how you start a conversation, keep it going and how you terminate it.

You have to learn how to approach people. At what point in a party or conversation do you make contact with a person that you want to meet? If you don't do it appropriately - if you pick the wrong time - it could be a disastrous encounter. So, pick the right time and right words to express yourself and don’t get intimidated by any kind of fear, because if you feel you should speak at that moment, you must spell it out.